Tag Archives: ThinkingTen -On Location

Facing The Demons That Lurk Up The Ladder, Step One

Climbing into the darkness. 
That’s how it always starts. 
I don’t know where I was beforehand,
 and I don’t know why I am pursuing that space above. 
My climb up always starts with ease and determination in step.
Right, left, right, left, right until I am left at the top rung. 
I hesitate.
.

That’s what I do when I’m uncertain of what to do next,
 of whether or not I should continue my march up. 
All I am sure of is the darkness, it is everywhere. 
Even when I’m not looking, I sense the chill
 and heaviness presses on my lungs. 
The chill that envelopes and squeezes. 
I don’t like the feelings I have here. 
.

I hesitate with trepidation, for myself and for what will become of me
 when I step beyond that which I am able to see. 
Progress can only be made when movement is forward,
 or to that place of unknowns in the dark. 
Progress can only be made when progression is achieved
over doing nothing,
but hesitate. 
.

It is a more complex entity, that space. 
It presents more to chew on. 
If you are hungry enough, you will forge your self, your feet, your mark. 
Moving on is not scarey, but entering a room,
 when before, I was only climbing up to an unknown, unseen space.
It is unexpected, and foreign and presents it’s own set of things to understand. 
.

I have gotten this far, yes, so I suck up all strengths that I once had 
and climb into that room. .

I stand alone,
.

as though a spotlight highlights my entry. 
Can it be sensed that I am filled with apprehension? 
Can it be that obvious?
 The light points out the fact that I am sweating. 
 The light shows that I am ill-at-ease.
.

I go no further and stand alone in a room filled with fear.
.

My fear to climb.
 Not a fear of darkness.
.

I am afraid to better myself, to go up,
 to grow.
I am afraid of success, afraid
to succeed at being anything that is different than how I am now,
 a mediocre bystander in the dark
 in a room filled with my fears.
.

.
-dld january last, 2011, and there will never be another
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ThinkingTen – On Location, Mondays: In a room filled with fear.

P. S. #187

When my brother and I were younger we played games in our room, usually an assortment of made-up things to pass the time, but the feats to see who was stronger or faster, were serious business!. When the weather shed it’s snow and cold, we could be found outside, on the playground. He in the sandbox, playing with matches and fluid to light the barbeque (yes, he was a pyro) and I on the swingset or hot metal slide. There were also those “family” ocassions, when Pachisi or the checkerboard for a game of checkers was brought out of the coat closet for the four of us to battle one on one with the roll of the dice.
.
I can remember my father telling stories of his youth, which was so very different than ours. He grew up in New York City, Washington Heights to be exact. I thought it was a cool place, but then again, as I child I always fancied the more odd or bohemian and thought those children were lucky to have so much within their reaches, but i quickly learned that the city is no place for childhood, according to my dad.
.
The one place that I found most interesting was the roof of his apartment building. That is where my father practiced playing the drums. It is actually a great place to play them, for the city’s hum, drummed out, no pun intended, the racket he was surely making.
.
One of the most unusual uses for the city rooftop, can be found in the buildings that house the schools. Dad didn’t grow up with expanses of land between buildings, so where else were they to put the gymnasium? That’s right, he had gym class on the top floor, which was the roof. A few years after telling us this fact, we saw firsthand what he meant. On a trip to see my parents good friends who lived in Brooklyn, we drove up and down the streets of his old neighborhood. Dad was always pointing up, to show the gargoyles that donned the facade, but we slowed down to a stop, when he pointed up, it was a school, his old stomping ground. Where he dribbled basketballs, learned a proper push up, and played the all-time kids favorite – Dodge Ball.
.
My brother seemed bothered by this and asked why there was a fence on the roof, and Dad said that they’d lose too many balls if it weren’t there. Of course they would, not to mention that someone may fall off themselves!.

-dld January 24, 2011-

*P. S. #187, Public School #187
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ThinkingTen – On Location, Mondays: On the roof

Turbulent Journey

Louise finally has a chance to just relax.  She’s been in her new house for four days and it is time that she venture outside for a nice walk along the beach .  Although it is January, she has almost forgetten that the Winter has just begun.  She feels alive as the salty air sprays her face.  Finding trinkets from the ocean’s turbulent journey, she gets lost in the moment as she pockets seashells and an odd assortment of coloured glass shaped by the sea.  She equates her journey here to that of her dear great uncle Theodore at the turn of the 20th Century..

The facts of his life are still to be uncovered, but Louise begins to think that it was a grand life he must have lived. Constant overchurning waves of the Atlantic, combined with her feelings of loss, as Winter often brings, give reason for her to go to the small village library that afternoon. 

.

Her first order of business, to read all about an Exposition in Philadelphia.

.

-dld jan. 3, 2011-

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T10 –On Location, Mondays:  Along the beach