Tag Archives: myself

Facing The Demons That Lurk Up The Ladder, Step One

Climbing into the darkness. 
That’s how it always starts. 
I don’t know where I was beforehand,
 and I don’t know why I am pursuing that space above. 
My climb up always starts with ease and determination in step.
Right, left, right, left, right until I am left at the top rung. 
I hesitate.
.

That’s what I do when I’m uncertain of what to do next,
 of whether or not I should continue my march up. 
All I am sure of is the darkness, it is everywhere. 
Even when I’m not looking, I sense the chill
 and heaviness presses on my lungs. 
The chill that envelopes and squeezes. 
I don’t like the feelings I have here. 
.

I hesitate with trepidation, for myself and for what will become of me
 when I step beyond that which I am able to see. 
Progress can only be made when movement is forward,
 or to that place of unknowns in the dark. 
Progress can only be made when progression is achieved
over doing nothing,
but hesitate. 
.

It is a more complex entity, that space. 
It presents more to chew on. 
If you are hungry enough, you will forge your self, your feet, your mark. 
Moving on is not scarey, but entering a room,
 when before, I was only climbing up to an unknown, unseen space.
It is unexpected, and foreign and presents it’s own set of things to understand. 
.

I have gotten this far, yes, so I suck up all strengths that I once had 
and climb into that room. .

I stand alone,
.

as though a spotlight highlights my entry. 
Can it be sensed that I am filled with apprehension? 
Can it be that obvious?
 The light points out the fact that I am sweating. 
 The light shows that I am ill-at-ease.
.

I go no further and stand alone in a room filled with fear.
.

My fear to climb.
 Not a fear of darkness.
.

I am afraid to better myself, to go up,
 to grow.
I am afraid of success, afraid
to succeed at being anything that is different than how I am now,
 a mediocre bystander in the dark
 in a room filled with my fears.
.

.
-dld january last, 2011, and there will never be another
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ThinkingTen – On Location, Mondays: In a room filled with fear.

It Has Been Confirmed, So Lay Off!

This past weekend it was confirmed, the reason why I do not make any New Year’s Resolutions once the new year rings in, and it’s not that I am doomed to fail by January 2nd! I do not have to make such promises to myself ever again!

.

With that said, let me tell you what I will accomplish because I do not make such unrealistic wishes. “I will be the first, non-published winner of the Pulitzer Prize for distinguished and appropriately undocumented Poetry upon the history of the United States, and I will become runner-up for having the most number of toes on my feet by the Guinness folks.” This is how the fortune read on the box from the pack of cigarettes I bought from my winnings while taking my all-expense paid for trip to the Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City a few days ago.

.

I am so glad that it’s straight now, so please stop expecting such inappropriate behavior from me!.

.

-dld 12.o8.1o

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for: T-10 Words, Inc., Wednesday:
reason, ring