He Hiccuped, All The Way Out

Bronzed by too much sun worshipping, Bert found himself at the emergency room, again. Since he wasn’t under immanent danger of burning, smoldering or setting his chair ablaze, he was told that someone would be with him SOON. Feeling antsy, he decided to walk. At first, he stayed within that god-awful incubator of germs, where either people were coughing, sneezing, barfing or making gutteral body sounds that he didn’t want to know the source of. He thought the corridor would be more amusing to wait out his time.

As he was pacing, he made a game of stepping on only those floor tiles that lay diagonal, but just like the monotony of the design, he too became bored with the monotony of his diagonal thoughts. So, without thinking twice, Bert entered a room that wasn’t occupied and began to pick up the items on the table, when all of the sudden, a loud, deep boistrous voice clammered, “What are you doing?”, it scared Bert so much that he pee’d his pants!

He was standing there, with a wet spot on his pants and his forehead browed in embarassment. “I’m sorry”, Bert winced and promptly walked back to the waiting room. He must have fallen asleep in boredom because after the woman at the front desk called his name five times, she finally walked over to him to wake him, “The doctor will see you now”, and she pointed to the curtained area.

Still embarassed and feeling a chill on the crotch of his pants, Bert complied and walked over to park his butt on the table. A few minutes later, the curtain was slid open and a lanky man wearing a lab coat entered and shoved a thermometer in his ear, while he was applying pressure to his wrist silently counting. Just as abruptly as he came in, he left. A bit agitated by the lack of compassion, Bert began to hiccup, when in came the doctor.

“Solzitz, is my name. I see you have a slight temp”, he blurted out. Bert said in the most sarcastic way, “Really? Imagine that!”, while he puffed out his chest showing the doctor how sunburned he was. His hiccups got louder. The doctor asked him a barrage of nonsensicle questions about his history, Bert answering them with a “Yes” or a “No”. When done with that, Dr. Solzitz asked why he was there. Thinking, “you’ve got to be kidding”, Bert began to tell him how bright the sun was and how he fell asleep and before he knew it, he felt tiny bubble-bumps on the skin of his arms, face and torso and he also felt sick, like he was going to throw-up, all the while feeling a chill overcome him.

“Uh, huh”, was all the doctor could say, as he was fumbling with his prescription pad. “Well, Bert, why don’t you take this to the pharmacy window and they’ll give you salve that needs to douse your body twice a day, and take the anitbiotic until the supply is gone, we don’t want you getting an infection or anything, do we?”, said the smug, irritating doctor. Then he waltzed out, leaving Bert hiccuping louder still, to fend for himself in finding the pharmacy window. As he approached the window, a pharmacist said, “boy, that’s some bad case of hiccups, have you tried holding your nose while drinking a glass of water upside down and standing behind a donkey?” “No”, Bert said, “the doctor forgot to mention the donkey.”

-dld december 29, 2010-

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T10 Words, Inc., Wednesday: behind, bubble, bright

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4 responses to “He Hiccuped, All The Way Out

  1. I’m still laughing at this one…you’ve capture those fine moments in the emergency room so well with these paragraphs…I must have a number of my friends read this one for sure…thanks for the early morning laughs!

  2. Oh…by the way…I just had to email this to couple of my friends. 🙂

  3. Yeah, I’ll admit, this one’s pretty funny and oh, so true! ;-))

  4. Go right ahead… the more readers, the happier it makes me!
    You’re a good friend, Charles!

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