I Was Feng Shui’d Today

As a Christmas gift, I received a coupon to have my home Feng Shui’d. This was given to me by my shrink, so I thought I should redeem it, as it must be important to my therapy. I called yesterday, and have an appointment with Jong Li, who is touted to be the Most Empathic and Inutitive, he is the Grand Master of All Things Heavenly on Earth.


As soon as he walked into my apartment, he removed his shoes and seemed to have blessed the carpet. My thoughts became focused on the stains left by the super, but before I could apologize, Mr. Li moved, or should I say, glided across the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he got to my bedroom door. Motioning with his hand, he asked if this was where I slept. I nodded to him and he blessed the door as he turned it’s knob.


While in my bedroom, he made suggestions as to where the mirror would benefit me best, apparently sharing the same wall as the telephone jack was wrong. Step by step, he found something to criticize, while I took notes for rearranging furniture and pictures to their more suitable places. He kept stressing to me that where items are placed, in proximity to where I stand, sit or am, has an effect on me and how I am perceived emotionally. As an example, he said that It would be better to hang the mirror on the wall where the door is. When I leave the room after dressing, I can see what I look like and adjust my clothing or hair before entering the more common spaces, where others will see beyond my outward appearance and look at me from within. He told me that I should smile at my reflection to tell my soul that I look pretty and am ready to venture out. This was a little odd, but I was willing to hear him out.


When he came to my bed, he began an almost ritualistic chant of sorts. This is where Mr. Li spent a good deal of time, fluffing my pillows, seeing how the bedsheets were tucked, then he bent to look beneath the boxspring. He obviously saw that I put just about anything under my bed… a shoebox with old VCR tapes, another shoe box filled with photographs, and of course, shoes – mismatched, dusty and pointed different ways. He shook his head and I could swear that he was shaking his finger ‘no’, then he gestured for me to sit.


We sat on the edge of the bed and he told me what sounded like an old wives tale. Mr. Li explained to me that the energy these items emit are dangerous! This caught my full attention, because since childhood I was afraid of the bogeyman laying there, planning out his next move to scare me. He told me that the photographs were fine to store there, but I should put them in photo albums for order and sense of place in time. They were assorted and in dissaray, which tells him, as well as me, that my life history is still not properly placed in time and could lead to making the same choices since they lay unsettled. This made perfect sense to me, so I got up and pulled out two empty photo albums and put them atop of that box to fix later.


Mr. Li then told me that duration of items stored in one place have a definitive effect. The longer those items stay beneath my bed, the longer I will be and remain in similar standing. He told me that I should keep things that, when simmering for a long time, will affect long time goals or dreams, otherwise I will not be suited to change or bring about good fortune.


An hour had passed and we sat to have tea, to cleanse from loosening the dust bunnies and such, then he bade me farewell and left. I continued to sit, drinking more tea while looking at my notes and thought about the changes I needed to make. What lay under the bed had me baffled, but not for too long, because I really did know what needed doing and I wished to get started on making it perfect for simmering some good, positive vibes.


Since one third of my life is spent in that bed, I went to an import store to buy the perfect container. When I returned home, I placed one of my diary’s in it. This diary meant the world to me, for it embraced all my dreams. I figured this would be the best way to move forward, to make the changes that I needed to achieve peace and ultimate satisfaction. Over time, I would have different boxes and containers which could hold my past remembrances and future desires so they would be present in my sleep dreams, in hopes of them coming true, but something tells me that I’ll still need to see my shrink every week!



-dld December 27th, 2010-


T10 Monday Prompt= under the bed


4 responses to “I Was Feng Shui’d Today

  1. As is almost always the case a brilliant write…still smiling about this one. 🙂

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  4. This informal summary encouraged me very much! Bookmarked your website, extremely great topics everywhere that I see here! I like the information, thanks.

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