“What else should I be?”, the giant billboard near the off-ramp of Route 80 stated, as I almost veered onto the grass shoulder. I would not have looked at it twice, nor even thought about the question, if not for the imposing image of me. “Wow!”, I thought, “is it that obvious? Do the trees, and clouds, and even the gods see that I need to change? I mean, what is lacking that I once had? Does it offend someone… Everyone, that I no longer posses what it takes to be The Best?”
I couldn’t drive past that billboard. It taunted me. It made me feel shame… it made me feel as though I am not and should not be worthy of such self-made accolades and attention. Days passed into weeks. I gradually became so unnerved and paranoid, always looking over my shoulder. I was considering therapy or some other kind of program which caters to people with similar dysfunctions.
Finally, after a good night’s sleep, I found that I wasn’t as obsessed with finding answers to the questions that pounded my brain. Not until I saw that a new billboard had been erected off the exit ramp I’d been taking to avoid that other one. Now my inadequacies were challenged with this new sign, “Do no harm, but do it”.
Still unsure of what that meant, I decided to call the Clinic afterall, and set up an appointment. You see, I am Vertically Disabled. People like me, and there are plenty to be found if you look closely at the way tasks are first started, have issues with tending to most anything from a front-on, take it step by step approach, putting everything in their proper place for easy retrieval. This isn’t me. I spread out papers and bills on the table, all over the floor and I make lists of things to do. I know where things are, but you may not trust my placement, thinking it is illogical and flighty.
My stay at the Clinic did me some good, for I no longer see life passing by on the horizon. It encompasses too long an endless track to get caught up following, going nowhere. I learned how to file my piles. I learned how to tackle my tasks and chores and Life in an orderly and timely fashion. I was the best. I was darned good at procratinating and making piles of things to do tomorrow. I no longer live that way, for I found that if I do what needs to done, NOW, I actually have more time and energy to spend doing the things that I want to do. Things that I love.
-dld october 19, 2010
for T10, prompt: What else should I be?