the Dense Series

__________Sketches of life as i see it_____________

I present to you,
my Dense Series.

Tags that i have made,
originally to declare my image,

I now describe my thoughts & feelings
with accompanying passages.

I admit that i am always questioning myself,
my actions, my Life and role in it.

The following pictures exhibit moments in my life ~
moments that i try to free myself from life’s wrath,

whether it be through
my own retribution,
vengeance, rage or madness…
it is how i deal with what plays out in front of me…
or in my head!

I begin my presentation with prologue…
_____________________________________________________

Prologue.

all images/passages

are dense
parts of me.

the parts
when i am quiet, down, hurting, confused,
withdrawn, inadequate, lost,

in pain.

despising everything i’ve missed
since the attack on my eyes

i’m in restraints right now… can you hear me?

this dense cocoon wraps my BEING
intent on depriving

TIME

from me

perceptions of reality
are making this a long
unnecessary prelude

© dld .05.20.07__________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

Chapter 1 bound.

dense, of the earth
swirls turbulence
entangled and entwined
densely rooted, she stands her ground

there’s ‘upheaval in the land’
and symbolism’s hiding in the nooks,
but we’ll get to that later

a stretch begins
the reach

grasping

her lips assured
determination overcomes fear

emergent, instinctive will
dense sweat has not dripped the thirsty, arid land
not yet,
she must devise a scheme

or be forever bound in glorious repetition.

…it has begun

______________________© dld 4.12.7

_____________________________________________________

Chapter 2- i am

from the inside looking out
it’s what you see that i’m about
how i get lost and begin to doubt the names i feed myself

from the outside looking within
you know not how or where to begin
dissecting words to find bare bones’ skin coveting denial

using the pretense of dense
i try to cover my tracks, a deliberate steadfast deference
at the expense of a mark uncovered, one letter at a time

this comfortable place where i struggle alone
keeps me weary and docile and humanity prone
it’s the life that i’ve sown that leaves me blank. uncertain

behind my socket curtain, where i concoct
the denseness i choose to become unlocked
efforts go within myself, but to you i am still an illusion

i am twisting my thoughts to a braid
usually feeling unwelcome. i’ve overstayed
i tire back
to my seclusion, did not intend on intrusion

sorry
a word i over-use
apologies said for what deeds I’VE abused?
or think that i’ve shamed
myself in this life game, because i never learned of the rules?
i ask, is it me that is going insane?

as i’ve said,
i’m intense
at the
expense
of only myself

synapses scatter the insight
behind blinded eyes
second guessing,
feeling barren
yet, still, i’ve surmised

i am a beautiful model
for picasso’s abstractions
in ALL
of my
extractions
_____________________________________________ © dld 04.27.07

__________________________________________________________

Chapter Three – DenseSpace.

part one

indecisively certain i am not alone
with the thoughts that i have when i have them
that’s the way it is, the only way i know

yet, we inhabit an intangible place
thoughts & emotions, ideas
my ideas
eventually etched in mausoleum marble
granite grains
my seed crystals, my story

it is at this point
i know
i will not be alone

///////premonitions comfort

………………………………………,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,……………….. © dld 4/22/07

part two

///////premonitions comfort

i will not be alone
i know
it is at this point

my seed crystals, my story
granite grains
eventually etched in mausoleum marble
my ideas
thoughts & emotions, ideas
yet, we inhabit an intangible place

that’s the way it is, the only way i know
with the thoughts that i have when i have them
indecisively certain i am not alone
___________________________________ © dld 5/14/07

_______________________________________________________

Chapter Four – Departure

and
still
i
think
that
i
can
get
something
accomplished
without
stopping
to
remember
what
i’m
doing,
or g
iving
up
because
it’s
too
hard,
or
just
plain
disgust
because
someone
sewed
my
mouth
with
frankenstein
stitches
and
the
drool
still
drips
out. ________________________________ ©dld 01.14.07

_________________________________________________

Chapter Five – a dense triptych

snapshots, interruptions and roadblocks________________________

snapshots_________________

what we learn
in pieces
can be put-back-together
to tell the
whole story
which may not be the truth

it’s only what
i tell you

interruptions_________________

i may be more interesting to myself
if i get a haircut

roadblocks__________________

FACEOFF
AND BESIEGE OF ME

i need to exercise
these lines
of age and sour change

they have slowly infolded my mouth
now it’s harder to read my lips
when i speak
———————————————————dld may 21st, 2007

________________________________________________________

Chapter Six – denseStare

when the sun heats my skin
i fall
incoherently blank

my focus trapped
then wiped away
leaving chalk dust and dense stares

into

my

night

__________________________________© dld 05.01.07

_______________________________________________________

Chapter Seven – A Mystery Dent, Detective Story

i keep hearing word sounds and backdrop drips into seven by threes/
postscript
god it won’t stop hammering!

what is that dent in the bed?

GREAT, it’s started over!
the operatic aria’s Looped back to word sounds, so familiar,
like it’s inside me, my head

SSSSSSSHIT! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
(she’s noticed the green skull on the chair aside her bed)

nothing was said
nothing could be
(she’s realized her demise prevents him from hearing her)
plus, he has no ears
she settles for what she’s put in her mind… that he’s the dent maker

his kindness points-out there’s another one with them
on the floor
behind her
possibly a woman
but she can move her face
as she turns, she’s shocked!
she sees herself, disembodied as she’d always been, but without her voice

absorbed in these images the music plays
louder as movies unwrap, the unfamiliar sounds become a part of the story

by the end, their familiarity becomes a friend
she will wait

obsessive meanderings
counting over & over
reading the line
breaks differently

seeing patterns alliterative pairings
they march the paper in groupings
triptich in nature
uncovering by threes, seven times

.very lucid dreams i follow
finding
crumbs
along
the
way
way
down
i find
illusions
sparkling waves. elusive
mist mirrors. no reflection
durer’s fortress. staid

counting syllables
not trying to make it fit…
noticing that it does
my breath songs know how to sing

………………………………how i find comfort in these walls

________________________________________© dld 05.01.07

_______________________________________________________

Chapter Eight – albino scars

fatigue worn
and
so sorry for having
these thoughts

dense streams of consciousness
.
dense streams of dying an albino
in lizard-skin and rhinestones

when
once
the scars
stung deep within,
they now surface, like boils
festering everything

everything wrong

your presence
wraps
my hardened albino skin

but my war’s left embers burning

your presence
cannot heal the wounds

of hope

______________________________________© dld 05.19.07

________________________________________________________

Chapter Nine – left

feelings of wetness
…cold spots
…..ball of left foot
…………………..left BIG toe
…………………………………..LEFT leg
..one hot spot, again on my LEFT, hugging beneath the chin of my left cheek

they say synaptic malfunction in the right brain
..is responsible for selective attention to coordinating
..the fine motions of walking and balance…

…………… i wonder why i keep checking the holes

______________________________________© dld 5/13/07

______________________________________________________

Chapter Ten – dense submission

it is all i can do
to give in to his whims

dare i?

or should i just sip it from the rim?
_________________________________________ © dld .05.19.07

_________________________________________________________

chapter eleven – internal combustion

i have an obvious affinity for this… i know why, but cannot explain it…
this is only the title, because it’s the one thing i focused on… her marrow-like hair like medusa?
that image, i believe, was used in dense meditation (?) am i prone or Destined to find these faces, lost souls, she too has determination… the dense saga will continue…

——————————————————————————–
(surging forward)

i was going to use this as the last in the dense series… but seeing how i’ve been using these images, this image doesn’t say the end – it’s more like the beginning or somewhere in between, to uncover some part of ME… but what part will this one play?

this doesn’t speak about MS
or loneliness
nor does this have a furiousness to it… not in the sense of anger, it’s more internal…. yeah, i like that!

this shows dense’s internal fury: (hence, internal combustion!) ?
and how she will make herself known?
and how she will forge onward, with determination growing (this is where the self esteem things comes in) ?
and how, like a funnel cloud, she meets things that change her? but what???

——————————————————————— dld 2007

________________________________________________________

Chapter Twelve – dense meditation

near the shoreline
at the foot of a cave……my cave

trying to free medusa’s hair demons
to find my voice again
as the tattoo worms slide down my back with
fingernais scratches

i look to see who is there

_______________________________________________© dld 12.08.07

___________________________________________________________

Last Chapter ~ nevermore

.

.

>End<

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