the chance to say

it’s been some time since i read this aloud to you dad…

~ the chance to say ~

i turned each page of the photo album
watched each of us age
together
from childhood, up on through to the
last place we vacationed as a family.
some of the stills were candid shots
some were just plain ole hamming it up.

after each album was closed
i sat for a while and thought about the moments
not captured with a camera, mostly
the moments of the past few years.

how i was a child at times and you yelled at me
i cried,
ran to my room and slammed the door.

there were disagreements
many of those –
but hey, they’re expected between parent/child.

then you had a feeling
felt you should talk to me
tell me
all the things that have built up over the years.
how
i am so much like you
the stubborn-ness, the will and drive to
get something important, the same big mouth.
we even look alike.
the same sensitivity.
so much like you
i am.

you finally released
i love you
while crying in my room
one august night.
you knew.
you knew that it wouldn’t be much longer.
and you might not get the chance to say
you love me.
and you might not get the chance to hear me say
i love you, too
dad.

– dld, october twenty-second nineteen seventy nine –
……one month and three days after my dad passed away.

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One response to “the chance to say

  1. This one made old wounds revive, but beautiful indeed.
    Goodnight.

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