The pain was starting to feel normal, for this moment in the Grand Scheme of Life.
No longer did the questions echo.
No shorter had I realized they had stopped,
when the truth became evident and more important than relishing the “what if’s” to death.
The pains, reduced their presence to a showing of complacent indiffence.
I so willfully accepted this New Order without doubts that this is what should be.
You can say that I gave in too quickly, too easily.
I can say that I resigned myself to accepting the cards that lay before me.
There is good reason that I am no longer fighting.
My surrender may seem spineless and my will may come off as spent,.
but let’s face it, the only positive to come from this accidental awakening is that
I did not die.
The fact that I cannot communicate to you in person, with my voice,
does not mean that I can’t try to speak through what I haven’t said,
or am able to do now that you’ve gone.
This is my only attempt to let “us” go and not get stranded in the system’s slurry of red tape..
I am not an orphan.
I am whole without you.
I can and will be the daughter your genes infused inside to just become.
I only wish you had not left it up to me to make the decision to let you go.
This accidental awakening of me
© dld o6.15.1o
writtenfori ThinkingTen—A Writer’s Playground